How Not To Fall In Love With Your Best Friend By Anna Lorraine Miranda-baysa

Is it possible to have a best friend of the opposite sex and not be romantically involved with them? The answer is yes. Stereotypically, we may think if a guy and a girl spend time together more than they do with their other friends, then something more than just the usual friendship is going on between them. But in a world of so much open-mindedness and equitableness, that is our world, this no longer needs a powwow.
Here are some tips that I find useful since my best friend is also a guy. He gives me all the reasons to fall in love with him, since he is so the ideal type, but I try my best to always have my counter strikes. I choose not to; I want not to.
1. START YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH THE END IN MIND. It is important that you, on the very onset of your friendship, set your mind that your best friend will always be your best friend, nothing more, nothing less. The 'mind over matter' rule could still apply. Make a personal rule that it is forbidden to entertain any thoughts regarding your best friend being your ideal partner, or else, you will always hold on to that mental note and eventually, label him as an ideal partner not as a best friend. Whenever your mind accidentally crosses that line, shake it off as soon as you can.
2. CHOOSE NOT BE ATTRACTED. It is normal and sometimes inevitable to be attracted to your best friend. But of course, you have become the best of friends because you have seen qualities in each other that you find fascinating or plainly, attractive. So, don't feel so bad or sheepish whenever you feel attracted but learn to go back to reality. Whenever you see his best side, humorously divert your attention to his worst side. It helps. From being the good looking, almost perfect best friend to his eccentricity of burping like a frog, or farting like a pro, if there is such.
3. VERBALIZE HOW YOU SEE HIM AS YOUR BROTHER (OR A SISTER IF YOU'RE A GUY!). This is again for your own sake. It is to season your mind that there is a red line between liking him and loving him like your sibling. Call him brother all the time. Associate him with your real brother, if you have one. Having a male best friend is so special and gratifying, because you could always ask him a male's point of view regarding anything, for free. It is expedient to run to him for an advice regarding your personal issues, whether this is regarding your relationship with other people, or sometimes, economic issues, to draw the line that he is, indeed, your brother who could help you, even in the most non-romantic ways.
4. BE EMBARRASSED WITH THE POSSIBILITY. I suggest that you keep the cattiness, at least, just to not fall for your best friend. Just imagine how he could totally turn away from you, 360 degrees, if he finds out you are engrossing yourself with imaginations of things friends are not supposed to do. Well, technically, I would not know how on earth will he find out that he is involved in your phantasm, but just imagine how awkward would that make him feel that at some point, you have envisioned him being idealistically linked to you, in not so wholesome manner. Imagine how that would make you feel, too!
5. FINALLY, CHOOSE TO LOVE HIM AS YOUR BEST FRIEND. Personally, I could give my life for my best friend. I could give anything for him. There were moments when I would actually ponder if I was attracted to him in some other ways or if it was more of being overwhelmed that I actually have a man in my life who cares and loves me like his own blood sister, even if I am not his family. That is just way too much of a deluge sometimes. A man who is so good to you and so believes in you like no other men do. Minus all the sexual thoughts and intentions. That is, let me say it again, overwhelming, nowadays.
I was inspired to write this because honestly, I have been bothered by my having a guy best friend. Not really bothered by the relationship itself but how people around us see it. He would tell me how his brother asked him if he ever courted me, or how his father would sometimes throw wisecracks at him regarding me as his just friend, or how my sisters would tease me every time I mention his name. I chose to be his best friend and that's what forever I will be. Again, it is a decision, not merely an emotion. The fact is, he is everything that I would like my eternal companion to be- brainy, expressive, outspoken, artistic, hilarious and pompous, in a good way...but he is my best friend. For once in my life, I was able to find a very solid friendship founded on trust, confidence and love and I do not want to, even if this is just speaking theoretically, to ruin this one precious, oh-so-good- thing that I have with him, just because of my dopey and mindless self-professed feelings. Never. I know in my heart that both our intentions towards each other are always, chaste and objective. I will never ever fall in love with my best friend.
I have always been taught to keep a journal. Having and keeping one will always give us the freedom to write all our emotions, both pleasant and not. These real-life experiences that we go through everyday are the best teacher, far better than any other self-help books or the most acclaimed movies. The learning does not just stop when you write them, it continues when you share it with other people. We are our own authors. Let's all write our stories well.
Anna Lorraine Miranda-Baysa is a 30-year-old mother of two and currently lives in Makati City, Philippines. She has been a constant journal- keeper for more than a decade, thus, enhancing her love for writing feature articles. She had served as a Features Editor in high school, a Contributor in their college schoolpaper as well as in their Church Institute Newspaper. Other than this, she worked as a disc jockey/ newscaster in a local radio station for five years. As a fledgling writer, she would like to concentrate on topics of Photography, Motherhood, Friendship and Love. She is currently working on her very first novel, too.
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